Category Archives: Advent

Light and Love in the Darkness of Christmas

22 Sunday Dec 2013

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candlight in the darknessI’ve been pondering the sadness of the season today. Perhaps “the sadness of the season” sounds as odd to your ears as it does mine.

As I’ve passed a particular street on my walks this month, I’ve been mindful of a family who lost one of their sons around this time last year. I don’t know the family, but I say a prayer for them as I walk by their street, and I imagine the dissonance they must be experiencing as they feel their pain in a season when retail holiday tracks sound, “it’s the most wonderful time of the year.”

A family I know is currently unemployed. I don’t know the details of their financial situation, but I’ve imagined myself and my family in their shoes. I think of how hard it would be to try to celebrate Christmas in the way that we’re used to, with a dwindling bank account and the uncertainty of not knowing when we’re going to see the next paycheck. Would I welcome the generosity of others toward me and my family or would I go into a kind of hiding, finding it too humbling and too difficult to be on the receiving end of giving.

On one hand I imagine the difficulty of telling our kids that we’re not going to be able to buy any gifts this Christmas. On the other hand, I find myself envying the simplicity of that kind of Christmas. I could send out an email saying, “You know our situation. We won’t be able to buy any presents this year, and we know you won’t hold it against us. Thanks for your love and understanding.” No shopping, no rushing around, no worrying about whether people will like my gifts or find them lacking.

I don’t have any personal wounds that are triggered by the holidays, but I’m sensitive to the pain of others. This morning as the fourth Advent candle, the candle of “peace,” was lit in my church, I couldn’t help but think of the violence that exists around the world. I couldn’t help but think of victims of injustice who are not experiencing peace right now.

During our worship gathering, one of our pastors asked us to consider how we have experienced the good news of Christmas recently. I had to think about that question for awhile before I came to an answer that resonated as true for me.

What I appreciate most about Christmas is the season of Advent. I’m grateful that our foremothers and forefathers chose to set aside a month-long season leading up to Christmas to focus on waiting, to sit with the longings of their hearts, and to ponder darkness and light.

“The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.” John 1:5

The good news that I’ve experienced about Christmas is not that it’s “the most wonderful time of the year.” The good news of Christmas is that God came and continues to come into the deepest longing, sorrow, and darkness of our world. God is not far off, removed and immune to our pain. God is near. God is here, with us. God is with those who suffer, mourning with those who mourn, grieving with those who grieve.

I trust that God is comforting the mother, father, and sibling of that young man who died last year, whose street I pass on my walks. I trust that God is providing for my friends who are between jobs, and that God is giving their family a special joy this Christmas that has nothing to do with gifts or financial security. I trust that God is with the girl trapped in the sex trade, holding her close and counting her tears.

“You keep track of all my sorrows.
You have collected all my tears in your bottle.
You have recorded each one in your book.” Psalm 56:8

This trust compels me to accept God’s invitation to be a part of the work of Light. One of the greatest comforts to me at Christmastime is realizing that my family and I can be bearers of Light in our dark world. Through partnering and giving to organizations like International Justice Mission, Grace Ministries Thailand, and others, we get to push back the darkness by adding to the light. 

If you feel like crying this Christmas, please do. Allow yourself to grieve your own losses and to grieve with others who are grieving. Thank God for the empathy and sensitivity that exists in your heart. Then ask God how you might add to the light in some way for others. If you are going through a particularly dark season yourself, ask for the grace and the ability to receive from God more of God’s light and love for you.

“Look! The virgin will conceive a child!
She will give birth to a son,
and they will call him Immanuel,
which means ‘God is with us.’” Matthew 1:23

May you experience the Light, the Hope and the Peace of Christmas, even as you experience the pain of the darkness. And may you know that you are not alone. Immanuel, God, is with you.

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Advent Expectation: A quote

22 Saturday Dec 2012

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Advent does not lead to nervous tension stemming from expectation of something spectacular about to happen. Rather, it leads to a growing inner stillness and joy allowing me to realize that the One for whom I am waiting has already arrived and speaks to me in the silence of my heart.

Just as a mother feels the child grow in her and is not surprised on the day of the birth but joyfully receives the one she learned to know during her waiting, so Jesus can be born in my life slowly and steadily and be received as the one I learned to know while waiting.

From Living in Hope: Advent Meditations from the writings of Henri Nouwen

Releasing the [Christmas] Outcome, Embracing the Process

21 Friday Dec 2012

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Tom and Jerry ornamentWednesday morning I sat at the kitchen table on the brink of tears. I was looking at the ornaments on our tree that I’d bought the kids over the years. Ornaments that reflect a milestone or something special they did each year: the swimming reindeer, Santa riding a bike, Tom reading a book to Jerry.

This year, the day we got our Christmas tree was the same day we needed to celebrate Christmas with my mom, who was heading out of town for Christmas. After tromping through the tree farm, setting up the tree, and struggling with multiple strands of tree lights that had large sections that wouldn’t light up, I ran out of steam.

I knew I needed to lie down in order to have the energy for the Christmas celebration that was starting in an hour and a half. So I decided to take a nap with Andy while the kids put up their special ornaments without us.

As I sat at my kitchen table looking at the tree I thought, Did I totally blow that Christmas tradition? What kind of parents take a nap while their kids decorate the tree by themselves? Note to self: In the future, don’t get a tree on the same day as an early Christmas celebration. 

This is what I do. I make mental notes, trying to learn from mistakes and circumstances in order to make it better next time. I’ve been doing this with Christmas for years, and it has helped. Our family does experience more peaceful, meaningful Christmases because of these tweaks and adjustments.

But there’s a flip side to this coin. My desire to make things better can lead me to believe that one day I’ll get it all right. That one day, I’ll get through the Christmas season without stress or tears. That one day I’ll think up creative gift ideas with joy and ease, and never second guess them. That one day I’ll find the perfect Advent readings and music that will usher our family into the full meaning and wonder of Christmas.

That day will never come.

And that’s okay. I’m getting more and more comfortable at Christmastime, and life in general, with releasing the outcome and learning to embrace the process. I’m always going to be in process and so are my kids.

They’re not supposed to grasp the full wonder and mystery of Christmas in one season, or even in their 18 years in my care. They get to continue pondering and opening themselves up to more and more of God’s beauty, mystery, and love for the rest of their lives. This is good.

As I embrace this on-going, formative journey I can be more gentle with myself. I can see myself more often as God’s child. Learning and growing, making mistakes along the way. And all the while, deeply loved.

Resisting Isolation, Reaching for Community

17 Monday Dec 2012

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I opened my laptop around noon on Friday. Compelled by puzzling Facebook updates and emails from our kids’ principal and pastor, I typed in the first news website that came to mind. I read the headline, stunned and silent.

As I read more details, the tears came. I grieved and sobbed at the kitchen table, alone in my house.

Three hours later, as I was pulling out of my garage to pick up my kids from school, I noticed a white Suburban in my friend Karen’s driveway. I knew it belonged to Julie, Karen’s friend with five kids.

comforting friendsKaren has four kids. I think she and Julie have that I’m-totally-outnumbered-and-so-beyond-caring-what-other-people-think-of-me bond that moms of lots of kids have.

Their husbands often have to be away for work, so Karen and Julie frequently have dinner together, enjoying the company of another mom who’s comfortable with the chaos of nine kids under nine running around.

As I drove past Julie’s Suburban I thought, This is beautiful. I was pretty sure Julie and Karen must have decided that this wasn’t a good day to be alone. The fact that one of them, on this dark day, took the simple step of inviting the other over (or inviting herself over), was deeply beautiful to me.

I noticed the contrast. I chose to remain alone in my house, crying with my computer.

I chose isolation.

They chose to be in the presence of another human being. To hug and cry with a real, live person, even at the risk of feeling foolish for messy, unpredictable emotions.

They reached for community.

In my Advent reading this morning, Henri Nouwen pointed out that in the early part of the Christmas story neither Mary nor her cousin Elizabeth experienced the waiting of her unexpected pregnancy in isolation. They spent three months of their pregnancies together in Elizabeth’s home.

God’s most radical intervention into history was listened to and received in community,” Nouwen said. “How can I ever let God’s grace fully work in my life unless I live in a community of people who can affirm it, deepen it, and strengthen it?

I can experience Emmanuel, “God with us,” when I’m alone in my house or car. God is with me when no one else is around. But this season also reminds me that “the Word became flesh and dwelt among us.” (John 1:14) Or as another translation puts it, “The Word became flesh and blood, and moved into the neighborhood.”

I need to meet God more often in the flesh, blood and embrace of my friends and neighbors.

I hope and pray that our Newtown neighbors will experience God-with-us love and God-in-flesh comfort in the arms and homes of their communities: communities of faith, family, neighbors and friends.