screaming womanWas your Mother’s Day a flop? Did you cry or scream because you felt like you hated being a mom, on Mother’s Day!? 

It’s okay. Hundreds, maybe even thousands, of other moms felt the same way.

Sometimes husbands get sick or have to work on Mother’s Day. Sometimes your child’s birthday lands on Mother’s Day.

Sometimes you spend so much energy giving to your own mother on Mother’s Day that you miss out on receiving. And sometimes kids are just especially whiny, demanding, and irritating on Mother’s Day.

If for any of these reasons, or another, your Mother’s Day was a flop, you need a Mother’s Day Do-Over.

1. Name your feelings.

How did you feel on Mother’s Day? Did you feel unappreciated? Did you feel sad that your husband didn’t take time to help the kids do something special for you? Did you feel hurt that your husband didn’t express appreciation for you, either verbally, in a card, or with a gift? Did you feel disappointed because you felt that you worked just as hard on Mother’s Day (or harder) as you normally do, and you were hoping to be pampered just a little bit.

2. Discern what you need.

Take some time to be still and pray. Take some slow, deep breaths. Consider asking God, “What do I need? What do the feelings I experienced on Mother’s Day reveal about what I truly need?” Let these questions linger in your heart and mind while you wait for an answer. You probably won’t hear an audible voice, but you may get a sense of what it is that you need (that you didn’t receive on Mother’s Day).

3. Talk with your husband.

If you sensed that what you need is a break, talk to your husband about it and make a plan to get away for a day or a weekend. Think about whether you need to get away by yourself, with your husband, or with a friend.

Perhaps you sensed that what you need is to hear from your husband that you’re a good mother and that what you do on a daily basis matters and is appreciated. Share this with your husband. Ask him to put into words, spoken or written, how he feels about you as a mother.

mother's day gift and flowersMaybe you sensed that what you need is to experience your husband going out of his way for you, like he used to before you were married and had kids.

It’s normal for spouses to become less attentive to each other once kids come along. Ask your husband to take you on a date in which you choose the restaurant, activity, destination, etc.

Or if you like surprises, ask him to plan the date on his own. (My favorite combo is when my husband plans a surprise date and arranges the childcare.)

If Mother’s Day left you feeling bitter or blue, it’s not too late to salvage it. Don’t suppress your needs and feelings. It doesn’t work. They just show up bigger and uglier later.

If you need a Mother’s Day Do-Over, take one! Self-care is a win/win/win for you, your husband, and your kids.